- Discuss or die :V
- November 24th, 2014
Perhaps now would be a good time to update this old relic, it spurned interest so why not ride that gravy train.
It's odd really, how something that's buried away and is really meant as more of a memento to my thoughts at a point in time can drive someone with such volition twoard me, for being honest about my emotions and my rationale? The name of this journal acts in the manner it is titled, they are fragments of the whole; Very few people know how I work and what I think, I mostly keep these things to myself or on a need to know basis. The thought that my words, tucked away behind a cloud of anonymity around those concerned could still rile someone, I've gotta be honest, kinda excites me. That vitriol aimed toward me so succinctly yet it's barely the tip of my views on the entire issue, merely a glimmer into my inner workings.
The situation that developed is far from surprising, I'd been talking to the bf about it in the past few weeks actually, the fact it emerged the way that it did I guess was striking, though when you've been pondering over something for some time you're pretty much prepared for anything. Asking me not to write something isn't going to get you anywhere, sorry mate, I don't work like that. You can try to appeal to my morals or understanding, but they're there for people I actually give a shit about and instructing me not to do something simply gives me more reason to actually do it. A little bit childish or petty, but kinda fun in that same theme as well.
Unsurprisinly, the hurt and upset that I predicted would happen, did happen. A complete unshocker for those with some semblance of how relationships actually work. I, as in my previous journals on the matter, distanced myself from the situation for fear of being drawn into it and again, not surprisingly I'm glad of my wits in that regard though emotionally it was difficult. Let's roll the page forward a good 5 months. I am still there for my friend, I'm not as close as I had been, though we're still close and good friends.He knows how I feel about his boyfriend/not quite boyfriend/ friend/ associate and I still maintain my views to this moment, because I've been shown nothing to the contrary that I feel he's an emotionally manipulative person who's doing more harm than good, and to my friend, that's not cool. The number of times I've had to console him when he's bereft over this douchebag is more than irritating. The guy maintains it's lurrve honest and to speak to him, which I do; it's kinda hard to say that it's super duper lovey wovey when your friend says with regret that he's getting back with the guy and apologises numerous times over the phone to me. I didn't realise that's how true love works, but I'll have to give it a go sometime.
It's funny how you dragged me into this entire thing again, when I'd done nothing toward you and left you to your disastrous relationships and wiped my hands clean of it. The more comical side is saying that I wasn't discussing it with you, despite the fact that we -were- discussing it, it's kinda hard to ignore the oxymoron floating around. The brilliant aspect as well is deflecting away from the point that I'm not happy with you is because you hurt my friend, which either you don't care about or are so self-obsessed and insular that you can't fathom perspectives outside of your own. A discussion to you is making me see and agree to your point of view, which I'm sorry but it categorically isn't. Not only is your view wrong in my eyes, you don't even see what I'm talking about, despite the fact that other people do. The little bubble of joy I experienced when I wasn't the only one who saw this in you made my fires blaze a little brighter.
For now at least, I'll let this settle. I'll be there when this collapses again to get my friend back on his feet, you're not worth my time and I've only kept you around to keep the peace, though I honestly don't need to anymore, even according to you. Now I'm going to get back to what I was doing in getting on with my life, like I was doing before you dragged me into a scenario that I left alone in the first place.